02-05-2020, 11:16 PM
This may be long, I was aiming for it not to be but uh I can't help myself, but I do PROMISE no history lesson stuff. I've written enough essays here I could publish a book.
As the cryptic lyrics above suggests, I believe it is now time for me to resign from office of adminship on Dinkleman's TTT and to pass the torch onto the next generation. I won't lie and say being Admin is as easy as it may look considering to some it may seem like they sit on their asses all day. That's not true, there is A LOT that happens behind the scenes and we have discussions on issues/suggestions. Implementation and communication is perhaps the part thats The unfortunate part of it is that we are sworn by secrecy most of the time in those discussions. We also try to come up with a plan to test/implement suggestions/problem-solve issues. So be warned, it's a grueling task and there needs to be someone with the right motivation, principles, and activity in that position. I believe @Nicol Bolas would be the best fit for the Admin even tho his pfp is a LIE and he bowed down to me in suggestions aha. Edit: I am sorry that I made you all suffer with nicol as admin this long.....:)
As many people have said/seen over the years, Admins generally tend to be inactive a lot. Should it be like that? No. You guys as a community deserve people in this position that are active and have the motivation to listen to the community while also doing what is right, no matter how hard that choice may be. It would be unfair and hypocritical of me to just go inactive for even longer. I was Admin for over a year, I held out as long as I could. I've seen more drama and theatrics here then I have my entire life. To be truthful, I just don't want to deal with it anymore. It starts to take a toll and drain you after dealing with it in the same cycle every few months for so long. It just gets tiring after a while. Not to say that all of it is invalid, some are valid and are truly trying to help the community even if it comes off the wrong way. But others are just senseless, unnecessary, and sometimes a bit petty. If you've been here long enough, you'd probably know what the senseless ones are and I'm sure there were even more of that mix before my time as well.
I've been contemplating resigning since around the time I have started to become more on the inactive side, which was around August. I started my second year of college more classes, jobs, club stuff, etc. I was able to mostly manage the best I could from a forums/discord standpoint and tried to be involved when appropriate in the more formal aspects. Not trying to sound egotistical, but I just didn't want to resign at the time because I thought it would have more of a negative impact than if I stayed consider there was the lack of people that actually had Admin at the time. I could be wrong there but I'll leave that up to your own individual judgment. I generally knew when I should and shouldn't be. When I did have a chance to get on, honestly most of the time I just wanted to play other games I enjoyed with friends or just singleplayer games.
There's a saying from a movie that has always stuck with me for some reason. It goes, "they say If you want a glimpse into the future, just look behind you." Essentially what this means is, history tends to repeat itself(no, I'm not doing a history lesson). This is kinda true here in this community in a sense. You have people that get Admin, go inactive eventually, etc. It's a running joke at this point. Same with some suggestions/complaints, they always come back full circle every few months or year. Same with drama too. So I guess what I am saying is, this is how I see my future. I probably would've come back to being fully active from an in-game standpoint just to become an inactive man again for an extended time. So I'm just accepting my fate, I've felt that I accomplished a lot in this community for the better, I hope, and can be at peace at that. Perhaps some regrets too in the sense that they continue to happen, didn't have a lasting impact, etc.
There's a saying from a movie that has always stuck with me for some reason. It goes, "they say If you want a glimpse into the future, just look behind you." Essentially what this means is, history tends to repeat itself(no, I'm not doing a history lesson). This is kinda true here in this community in a sense. You have people that get Admin, go inactive eventually, etc. It's a running joke at this point. Same with some suggestions/complaints, they always come back full circle every few months or year. Same with drama too. So I guess what I am saying is, this is how I see my future. I probably would've come back to being fully active from an in-game standpoint just to become an inactive man again for an extended time. So I'm just accepting my fate, I've felt that I accomplished a lot in this community for the better, I hope, and can be at peace at that. Perhaps some regrets too in the sense that they continue to happen, didn't have a lasting impact, etc.
Honestly just a rant at this point it may seem like. I promised I wouldn't make this long... might've lied there, apologies. I know there are problems in the community and it isn't fair to blame one person/one group of people. Whether we like it or not, we all play a part in the problem. If you want to know my takes on problems, just take a look through my threads. I'd start with my rewind thread. That's a good summary of what I hope for. If you go back far enough, some may be outdated.
It was a privilege to be an Admin here and I think I left my mark and maybe an impact that was for the better or worse. I think what I've done mostly had a good impact even if it was a hard choice to make, but we all make mistakes and regrets. You all can be the judges there. I'll probably stick around discord & forums occasionally and butt in where appropriate, maybe in game once in a while but not for a long while. Just so burnt out of Gmod.
Well, this is mostly it.. I bid you all farewell knowing that I have made some friends and perhaps some enemies in the eyes of some. I knew some of you more than others, some I wish I had the chance to know more outside of the community but I'm just bad at making conversation but that is no excuse, and some I never really knew. My DMs are open if anyone would like to chat or possibly play something.
I'd like to leave you all with a final message of an Admin on his death bed. Stop the senseless drama and theatrics. This and the constant bickering back and forth doesn’t do anything productive or any good for the community. Toxicity.. We see that a lot here, it’s honestly worse here than it is most servers, yet some of those people are still here. We need to not work against either other but with each other, if we want to change things around here for the better. Everyone needs to play their part and know how to play it. Just wake up. From guests all the way up to Dink. We can all peacefully coexist to an extent if we remain with the civilized conversation without any hard attacks and just meaningful constructive criticism. It does seem like an impossible thing, I'll admit that. Sometimes we may come off as aggressive, I do sometimes as well, and I apologize to anyone that felt that way. It's hard sometimes but if you think it's too aggressive just keep it to yourself. In order to enact real change or conversation about change, we have to be able to communicate with each other in a way that isn't like beating the shit out of our opponent in a boxing match..? Bad analogy, but you get what I mean. That way, we can all come up with solutions to problems and problem-solve together. We all need to help each other.
We don't have to like everyone but we should at least respect their opinion and not attack them for having that view. We live in a very polarized and partisan world right now in the US at least, but we don't have to be like that here. Don't be self-righteous, you are all equal, no one is above anyone and everyone should be treated the same when it comes to punishment, apps, unbans, etc with the same fairness we give guests/people we don't know. Admins/staff included. I do think it is time we end this never-ending repeating cycle and problem solve together, but there will always be some sort of drama, it's like that in any community. We won't live in a perfect Utopian community, but we can try our best to make it as enjoyable and as inclusive as we can while remaining civilized people to make this community the best we can. So I say let's work with each other, not against each other. We all need to wake up and not ignorant of the problems surrounding us. I hope that a new fresh set of eyes in the admin department would be able to help.
I now join the ranks of the pink-purple pricks at peace.
TLDR:
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
-Leave out all the rest, LP 2007
-pretty much sums up my time in this community, minus maybe don't forget the wrongs, should never forget those, we all have done something wrong here whether we want to accept it or not
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