[Mother Nuru.]

-snip-

Thank you for being someone to give another point here. As in like something else to discuss.
Sorry in advance if my brain makes all this sound funny, my brains been in a manic mode all day lmao.

I also am against unresigning and immediately coming back. That why I waited until I hit a month of working on things. I still don't like it, but I sat at the impass of thoughts like you did on, who else is qualified or knows how, or can do things, and has the time.
Then on top of that doing small things slowly over time started helping my mental state.
That brings us to point two you pointed out the change of heart I had on staff. To give a better idea where my hate came from, and fish can attest to this if needed, I was solo admin with no training, help, etc, for months and months, and when I begged for help and getting another admin in to get the load off, it got brushed off. By the time I did get help, I was burnt out, I had other staff relying on me, players bagging on me, etc. I spent weeks talking with Fish Matt and a few others on whether resigning was the thing to do or not, because I DO love dinks people. It was a lot of weight on my shoulders. Then everything happened with the community bans and I beat myself up relentlessly, because to us newer admins it was a thought of "Oh they can just appeal!" where as most others knew it was a death sentence. I crashed and burned hard and I dipped and that's where the hate for staff came from.

What changed my mind? Hanging around the past few months, reconnecting with my ph people, connecting with those on murder, coming back to harass people on TTT and meet new ones to harass (insert lenny here)
Over this last month though what really made me flip was helping out and feeling like I used to before all the mess and weight started. And I'm not alone this time. Norm has been a tremendous help, Milly, Dink, and Darkkran, along with some of the other admins. I have been carrying out full admin duties for the past month. This wasn't a spry of the moment thing like a lot of people think, it took some consideration and talking with a lot of people.

As for the "I wanted to fix things without being called admin" Was in part of what I stated above about my previous adminship feeling like the entire world was crushing down on me. It gave me anxiety, and a couple of panic attacks at first. Then when I opened up about it to a few of my close friends here in dinks, they helped me over come that, and talked it out with me to get to the point where I am now. It's taken me a bit to realize, it's not the same as before, I'm not alone, and I have support this time. I really am sorry  that rubbed you the wrong way, but I hope this better explained it.

Also I'm sorry for the huge wall of text rip
I don't mind just waiting it out longer, and doing what I already am. I just wanted it more formally so I could handle forum stuff better but I will keep pushing it through to others and wait it out. You're pretty correct on it's better to wait and see how I handle it rather than rush in. I'd like to say I'll keep this course like Voss said and not burn out, since I have a lot more support this time. I really appreciate the feedback and thank you.