A lot of people still have zero understanding as to what any issues are currently. People have thrown around misogyny and discomfort, privacy, and a few other words a lot, but it mostly stops there. So we're gonna learn you some lessons kids. On both sides, as I feel like some understanding in how people talk to each other needs to be shared as well.
Starting with the hoy incident. They said something that was considered infantilizing by some. Something along the lines of "be more careful." This was met with immediate backlash, which is mostly understandable. There is a huge problem with men treating women like children in various instances...I just don't think this is one of them, and this blew up inappropriately. The immediate argument is going to be "don't tell people, as a man, how women feel" which is true, it's not my place. But I am in a unique position to tell you that, very often, men talk to each other in pretty much the same way. Things along the lines of "that was stupid, don't do it again, be more careful" all that jazz is just a natural reaction to most when something happens. Many people /should/ show more care in how they approach situations, especially online, and some people do forget that. This conversation should have ended at "be careful with how you word things as it can come off as patronizing, but also try to think of how people communicate with other people before judging too harshly on how they're communicating with you." That's all that really need said. Everyone was a bit shitty there. I don't even think anyone brought that point up to someone else, just in private, but that was my immediate thought. That's exactly how I talk to some of my best friends when they do something that is dumb. It just depends on the relationship. Nuance exists in everything. (That should be my next point smh) But the biggest thing here is, men, please, understand that women go through more than you in every social aspect of life. When someone who has this experience is upset that someone is patronizing them, or patronizing someone else, they're not mad at that singular instance, and couldn't be if they tried. They're mad at an entire life of this same shit happening constantly. I know, this hasn't always been something we have to actively care about so it can feel like people are trying to come into your space and change things, but if multiple people did something that you found immensely uncomfortable consistently, you'd generalize just as much. That being said, being brash and standoffish will never be a way to fix this. It's why those tumblr era feminism posts went so viral, and why for awhile everyone hated third wave feminism. Something something honey not vinegar. There's also this strange idea that someone who is championing making things a safe space for these more marginalized groups is infallible, and can do no wrong/should never own up to their stuff. That's just a dangerous thought. Someone can be doing something positive in a negative way, or do something positive and something negative separate from that. In fact, most people doing extremely positive things do it to either hide or make amends for extremely negative things. I don't know where to put this, but constantly having my dms shared around with people makes me very uncomfortable, but that's not bannable despite all this, y'know?
Gamer Culture is stupid. Stop doing it. I get it, talking about dicks is fun, talking about cum is fun (guilty), whatever, but good lord. Comfort is, in fact, an important thing to most people. Online is where we escape from the monotony of life. Everyone saying "get a job get a life stop caring about a Garry's mod server" while also caring seemingly too much about a Garry's mod server are being silly. This is the escape from life. Being in a community I love and talking with people I've spent years getting to know is what I do to escape the stresses of that fulltime job. Turning off my brain when I'm able is nice. Plus these are some good friends that oftentimes transcend just the internet/this community, so it's more than just what you're trying to minimize it into.
Privacy. Let people have it. If someone is being a predator or stalking or harassing or something in a discord, that's one thing. If we're going to start getting mad at slurs in fringe discords, I have bad news. I have screenies of multiple admins/former admins slurring at people in mine. Even ones you wouldn't expect. I have people saying heinous shit in dms. Trying to patrol outside discord just gives way to lumping behavior into groups which is just unfair to everyone involved. Then you get things like people being wrongfully accused of the whole guidelines thing (the screenshot that exists, multiple people in that call didn't know it happened until the following day, it was just an assumption that was made), or whatever else. Or just being decidedly guilty for being complicit when often times they don't pay attention to anything actually going on. Without actually asking questions directly to people, you're just working off assumption if you try to police things that way.
Cliques are dumb. Bringing up cliques is dumb. Most people aren't so one-track minded that they're just thinking and feeling everything their friend group does. At times it does feel like there's pressure to act one way or another to avoid drama, but that's a symptom of this whole drama frenzy this community feeds off of (my b) more than anything. I do think they can be prevalent in staffing and how things are treated (see certain people getting the last words in before threads close and whatnot when they're part of arguments), but that has always been a thing. So has staff trying to imply snitching will help you get a staffing role. (dong, bryan, and battons @ me trying to snitch on people leaking things to me when I was trying to get staff again ages ago,,,)
The last one is obvious. I talk about it a lot. If you can't sit down with someone and talk naturally (VCs are good for this, they need to be utilized more for arguments, dehumanizing one's self and the other person by talking in text just serves to make communication more difficult as you're seeing the person as words not as a person) with someone without being immediately angry, the conversation needs to wait. Truly nothing will ever get done if you can't do this. This is why when I want to have honest communication, I always ask to vc (and always get shot down smh). I know it sounds daunting, especially since most of the people here are socially awkward and never have to have actual conversations vocally that are about anything serious when it's a disagreement...but it's just needed.
tldr (it goes at the end fuck you jammin) everyone's at fault and the only way to salvation is actually trying to understand the POV of others and communicate issues as they come up, not treat them as a powder keg about to explode until you can blow up everything, if everything was just dealt with as it happened, none of this would ever be an issue.
Rand is going back into hibernation pt. 348943
Starting with the hoy incident. They said something that was considered infantilizing by some. Something along the lines of "be more careful." This was met with immediate backlash, which is mostly understandable. There is a huge problem with men treating women like children in various instances...I just don't think this is one of them, and this blew up inappropriately. The immediate argument is going to be "don't tell people, as a man, how women feel" which is true, it's not my place. But I am in a unique position to tell you that, very often, men talk to each other in pretty much the same way. Things along the lines of "that was stupid, don't do it again, be more careful" all that jazz is just a natural reaction to most when something happens. Many people /should/ show more care in how they approach situations, especially online, and some people do forget that. This conversation should have ended at "be careful with how you word things as it can come off as patronizing, but also try to think of how people communicate with other people before judging too harshly on how they're communicating with you." That's all that really need said. Everyone was a bit shitty there. I don't even think anyone brought that point up to someone else, just in private, but that was my immediate thought. That's exactly how I talk to some of my best friends when they do something that is dumb. It just depends on the relationship. Nuance exists in everything. (That should be my next point smh) But the biggest thing here is, men, please, understand that women go through more than you in every social aspect of life. When someone who has this experience is upset that someone is patronizing them, or patronizing someone else, they're not mad at that singular instance, and couldn't be if they tried. They're mad at an entire life of this same shit happening constantly. I know, this hasn't always been something we have to actively care about so it can feel like people are trying to come into your space and change things, but if multiple people did something that you found immensely uncomfortable consistently, you'd generalize just as much. That being said, being brash and standoffish will never be a way to fix this. It's why those tumblr era feminism posts went so viral, and why for awhile everyone hated third wave feminism. Something something honey not vinegar. There's also this strange idea that someone who is championing making things a safe space for these more marginalized groups is infallible, and can do no wrong/should never own up to their stuff. That's just a dangerous thought. Someone can be doing something positive in a negative way, or do something positive and something negative separate from that. In fact, most people doing extremely positive things do it to either hide or make amends for extremely negative things. I don't know where to put this, but constantly having my dms shared around with people makes me very uncomfortable, but that's not bannable despite all this, y'know?
Gamer Culture is stupid. Stop doing it. I get it, talking about dicks is fun, talking about cum is fun (guilty), whatever, but good lord. Comfort is, in fact, an important thing to most people. Online is where we escape from the monotony of life. Everyone saying "get a job get a life stop caring about a Garry's mod server" while also caring seemingly too much about a Garry's mod server are being silly. This is the escape from life. Being in a community I love and talking with people I've spent years getting to know is what I do to escape the stresses of that fulltime job. Turning off my brain when I'm able is nice. Plus these are some good friends that oftentimes transcend just the internet/this community, so it's more than just what you're trying to minimize it into.
Privacy. Let people have it. If someone is being a predator or stalking or harassing or something in a discord, that's one thing. If we're going to start getting mad at slurs in fringe discords, I have bad news. I have screenies of multiple admins/former admins slurring at people in mine. Even ones you wouldn't expect. I have people saying heinous shit in dms. Trying to patrol outside discord just gives way to lumping behavior into groups which is just unfair to everyone involved. Then you get things like people being wrongfully accused of the whole guidelines thing (the screenshot that exists, multiple people in that call didn't know it happened until the following day, it was just an assumption that was made), or whatever else. Or just being decidedly guilty for being complicit when often times they don't pay attention to anything actually going on. Without actually asking questions directly to people, you're just working off assumption if you try to police things that way.
Cliques are dumb. Bringing up cliques is dumb. Most people aren't so one-track minded that they're just thinking and feeling everything their friend group does. At times it does feel like there's pressure to act one way or another to avoid drama, but that's a symptom of this whole drama frenzy this community feeds off of (my b) more than anything. I do think they can be prevalent in staffing and how things are treated (see certain people getting the last words in before threads close and whatnot when they're part of arguments), but that has always been a thing. So has staff trying to imply snitching will help you get a staffing role. (dong, bryan, and battons @ me trying to snitch on people leaking things to me when I was trying to get staff again ages ago,,,)
The last one is obvious. I talk about it a lot. If you can't sit down with someone and talk naturally (VCs are good for this, they need to be utilized more for arguments, dehumanizing one's self and the other person by talking in text just serves to make communication more difficult as you're seeing the person as words not as a person) with someone without being immediately angry, the conversation needs to wait. Truly nothing will ever get done if you can't do this. This is why when I want to have honest communication, I always ask to vc (and always get shot down smh). I know it sounds daunting, especially since most of the people here are socially awkward and never have to have actual conversations vocally that are about anything serious when it's a disagreement...but it's just needed.
tldr (it goes at the end fuck you jammin) everyone's at fault and the only way to salvation is actually trying to understand the POV of others and communicate issues as they come up, not treat them as a powder keg about to explode until you can blow up everything, if everything was just dealt with as it happened, none of this would ever be an issue.
Rand is going back into hibernation pt. 348943
![[Image: TWQlDjL.png]](https://i.imgur.com/TWQlDjL.png)
-courtesy of a sarcastic fish
![[Image: t2X0SiD.png]](https://i.imgur.com/t2X0SiD.png)
-courtesy of milk(2)
