[PandaInPants]

(3mb3ry's post but said by me and louder)
TO START OFF, I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU MUCH FROM TTT AS I HAVEN'T PLAYED MUCH IN MONTHS BUT I HAVE BEEN READING FORUMS AND A BIT OF DISCORD EVERY NOW AND THEN WHICH IS WHAT I HAVE TO BASE MY THOUGHTS ON.

I DO THINK THAT YOUR POSITIVE ENERGY CAN BE REFRESHING BUT SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE IT MIGHT LEAN A BIT TOO MUCH INTO TOXIC POSITIVITY. IT CAN SEEM LIKE EVERYTHING HAS TO BE OVERLY UPBEAT, EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE TOUGH. I'VE ALSO NOTICED THAT THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF FOCUS ON HOW THE COMMUNITY PERCEIVES YOU. I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A COMMUNITY THAT YOU CARE ABOUT BUT IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO MAINTAIN A CERTAIN IMAGE OF BEING THE SAVIOR OF OUR COMMUNITY WHICH CAN OBVIOUSLY BE A BIT DRAINING IN THE LONG RUN. IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF AND NOT FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO MEET EVERYONE ELSE'S EXPECTATIONS ALL THE TIME, ITS NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU OR THE COMMUNITY TO PLACE THAT SORT OF PRESSURE ON ANYONE.

I ALSO WANTED TO MENTION THE STAFF APPS AND THE GOODBYE THREAD BETWEEN THE TWO RECENT ONES. I GET THAT STEPPING AWAY FROM THE COMMUNITY CAN BE HARD ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE FRIENDS STILL ACTIVE IN IT BUT IT FELT A LITTLE ODD TO ME THAT YOU POSTED TALKING ABOUT MAYBE NEVER EVEN COMING BACK TO THEN BEING SEEMINGLY JUST AS ACTIVE AS BEFORE AND MAKING YET ANOTHER STAFF APP JUST OVER A WEEK LATER. I'M SURE YOU HAD YOUR REASONS BEHIND THIS BUT I DO THINK IT COULD HAVE BEEN BENEFICIAL TO GIVE YOURSELF SOME MORE TIME TO RECHARGE AND REFLECT BEFORE DIVING BACK IN SO TO SPEAK.

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T COME OFF TOO HARSH BUT I DO THINK THESE ARE WORTH MENTIONING

[Damien]

(3mb3ry's post but said by me and louder)

I'm so glad a man said this and not a woman, thank god.

[KINĐⱤɆĐ]

To start off, I don't really know you much from ttt as I haven't played much in months but I have been reading forums and a bit of discord every now and then which is what I have to base my thoughts on. 

I do think that your positive energy can be refreshing but sometimes it feels like it might lean a bit too much into toxic positivity. It can seem like everything has to be overly upbeat, even when things are tough. I've also noticed that there seems to be a lot of focus on how the community perceives you. I understand that this is a community that you care about but it seems like you are trying to maintain a certain image of being the savior of our community which can obviously be a bit draining in the long run. It's important to stay true to yourself and not feel like you have to meet everyone else's expectations all the time, its not healthy for you or the community to place that sort of pressure on anyone.

I also wanted to mention the staff apps and the goodbye thread between the two recent ones. I get that stepping away from the community can be hard especially when you have friends still active in it but it felt a little odd to me that you posted talking about maybe never even coming back to then being seemingly just as active as before and making yet another staff app just over a week later. I'm sure you had your reasons behind this but I do think it could have been beneficial to give yourself some more time to recharge and reflect before diving back in so to speak. 

I hope this doesn't come off too harsh but I do think these are worth mentioning

It's not harsh that's what I wanted to hear honestly. I've been struggling to find myself, through the years I experienced a fair amount of trauma and through this trauma it made me lose who I was, and slowly I'm trying to put the pieces back where they belong. I know part of it is being a kindhearted soul mainly because it makes me feel complete it helps stop this feeling of loneliness or sadness that slowly feels like its grabbing my heart and dragging it down, so, right now it feels like that's the only personality I have so I try to overdue it which may come off as toxic, and that's not my intention so I apologize if I over do it.

Honestly, the staff thing is fair; I don't really have anything to say about that. I should've improved upon myself a little more before I applied. I wrote the goodbye post because, at the time, the person who was supposed to be there for me completely shut me out. and I wasn't in a good mental state at the time so I wanted to take time and be distant from the community, Brahma brought me back into it saying it's probably not a good idea to turn my friends away in my time of need so I came back. 

the whole reason for this post was to gain some kind of closure on what I'm supposed to be, or maybe find the missing pieces of myself. It's hard to explain, honestly, I guess I'm going through an identity crisis and I have been for a couple of years, and know I just don't know where to go from there.

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avoid the forums i think, you post too much

And i do go a little overboard with the posts, I apologize

[JesseTheUndeadCowboy]

 I understand that this is a community that you care about but it seems like you are trying to maintain a certain image of being the savior of our community which can obviously be a bit draining in the long run. It's important to stay true to yourself and not feel like you have to meet everyone else's expectations all the time, its not healthy for you or the community to place that sort of pressure on anyone.

This is the realest thing you have ever said and I massively respect you for this. 

Kindred you remind me a bit of myself in some ways, someone who cares a great deal about people, and sometimes even what other people think. I think you are kind soul and im glad to be your friend :)