03-14-2022, 05:10 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-14-2022, 05:17 PM by poop MANIAC(fecal frenzy!!!!!!!!. Edited 1 time in total.)
steam name: poop MANIAC(fecal frenzy!!!!!!!! (ALIASES: 5w33t b34n5, hatred darkness deathkiller evilmonster, the mad shitter)
steamid: STEAM_0:1:43140995
executor: battons
reason for ban: violation of parole, 1 count
length of ban: life sentence
reason for admins to unban: I would like to make a short preface at this point. Following my last appeal, I was left at something of a loss. I wondered to myself, 'where do we go from here?' I had it in my mind that what was desired of me was something of an earnest brevity, but judging by the critical reception from the community at large, this was something of a misstep. So I wondered if, aside from the content of my statement, perhaps I should revise the considerations which I give to elaboration. The following is, as a result of this feedback, possessive of far more clarity and expansion than previous appeals, and is something which I hope will satisfy all parties.
Would it be that things had transpired differently. At present the note in which affairs were left remains a sour one, to I must suppose the surprise of no one. I ask not that any here put aside their preconceived notions as to the variables involved, for this is a matter I consider very near and dear to my heart and failing to consider it from angles relevant or otherwise I might say would be a disservice to the issue. There was a time in which I had given up, casting my hands to the sky as a silent plea to the world that there might be some way to reverse the course of time and choose a different path, but such thoughts and wonderings are a pointless endeavour leading no closer to a solid resolution. Perhaps in the far-spun future such a pining may yet bear fruit, but I digress. What this case ultimately boils down to is the vast infinity of choice and potential, and how that potential relates to the human tendency for waste. Sameness as it relates to this topic would be considered an aspect of that waste, in being that to tread the same ground would be to waste opportunity and, by extension, potential.
I wasn't quite sure this day would come. I wasn't sure what to say. Hell, I didn't even know if I could really go through with it all again. But, with the passage of time, all things change, and all things come full circle. I once came here with an open heart, eager to learn and eager to please, and once, on that fateful night, I learned so much from this community, so much I'll never forget; I was, all at once, illuminated, and at the same time, completely in the dark. So perhaps it is too much to ask for, but might we collectively, for just one thread, look beyond the obfuscations of times past, deliberate or otherwise?
I've always tried to mix things up when they don't work, to learn from my mistakes and incorporate them into a wider narrative of life which might in the future lead to success and understanding.Thing's are different, they always are, aren't they? But this time, based on the overwhelmingly negative reception to my last appeal and reinvention of the self, I will attempt to return to my roots, and endeavour to improve upon the traditions established. And so the common road we follow has brought us together once again.
Now, I know what you're probably asking yourself: Whose this twenty-year-old kid, coming in from the cold dark outside, sitting in front of you with a chip on his shoulder and his bleeding heart on his sleeve? Some of you on the deathrun server may know a certain 5w33t b34n5. On the murder server, maybe the name grubbly sqeeuzums might ring a bell. I've gotten to know a lot of you on prophunt as poop MANIAC. On the discord, maybe in the past you've heard the name elastic andy's static shock rock candy. I would imagine not. And in the Dinkleberger forum community, you may remember hatred darkness evilheart madkiller.
But a few of you, from a time far off and long ago may remember a certain identity. A mask buried to the sands of time, lost in the foggy haze of memory and decayed into a distant, ancient history. Perhaps, from dreams long past in an era forgotten, some of you may remember the titled, yellow named Senior Member known as the mad shitter.
Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name is John Michael Jones, my friends call me Fiddlesticks Mike, and this is my unban request. I am someone of modest wealth, and what some may politely consider unconventional tastes. You may not remember my humble person, but let me say I have remembered you. I've been around for a long, long year, and I have heard from you. Felt your presence. Walked among your kind. Learned from your peoples and their wisdoms. And while it has been the common judgement that I may be far from understanding you, I believe I have come to something of a functional groundwork for a mutualistic relationship; or, at the very least, uneventful, serene coexistence, for that is always what I have sought, regardless of my own shortcomings.
Now, it is my understanding that as an incorrigible anticitizen, everything I say must be taken in bad faith and assumed to be obfuscation if not outright deception. The fact that I assert my words are context of my honest thoughts must therefore be evidence that whatever I say is nothing but lies and slander, and so it would naturally be in the best interest of the reader to stop here, if not already, and proceed with the comments of disapproval and the demand for further punitive action. It is only natural, of course, that a person of such low moral stature and warped view of reality as myself must be at every point an aberrant liar; it is the judgement of the many, and must therefore be the most accurate representation of reality, and so the natural course of action would be to dismiss every word I have said and may say and continue with whatever expression of disdain may gather the reader's fancy. All is as it should be, the world exists in the best state that it can. Thus it shall be the natural order and Universalist Understanding of all things.
Friends, gamers, terrorists, this is my story. On the night of 13/14/2021, an irreparable, inoperable paradigm shift descended upon the dark corners of my bilious life. In breaking my word I let down all the people who had cheered me on, everyone rooting for my success and violated intimately the trust placed in my faculties. Instead of staying open to the love I received from those who had been so kind as to offer me their friendship, my mind's eye focused on the negativity and hate with which I had been rightfully cloaked. I failed. Not just myself, but I failed the people who cared. And it wasn't the failure that was so hard. No, it's been living with that failure, that empty feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that gnaws at my soul. Knowing I let everyone down, that's the hard part.
I could be frank with you. I could apologize. I could tell you I've learned from the experience, that things are different, that the offending instance would never happen again. I could expand upon my reasoning, tell you why I did what I did, why I'll never do it again. How it broke my heart, and why things turned out the way they did; I could elaborate on my motivations, expand upon my emotions, and assert my beliefs and how they are different from how they used to be. But experience tells me that is a lost cause, a fools errand. There is nothing I could say or do that could convince you otherwise, no expression of my heart which could possibly change your own, and perhaps that is fair, and well enough. I had at one time believed that perhaps I had been, all this time, so very very wrong, about everything, about everyone. Perhaps I still am; what is important, I feel, is that I do not pretend otherwise, and that I hold no pretense of clinging to falsehoods. In any case, I have been strongly discouraged from change, and from new beginnings, so I will swallow my tongue on the matter and leave that part of my soul hidden from view. I have spoken at length about such things, and it has been insisted upon that such revelations will forever elude me, and that it is my inexorable fate to forever be possessed of stagnant, evil spirit. I will not contest this, for I know that good faith is something which I am not afforded, for reasons which I believe I understand, but it is my understanding that such understanding will be understood to be falsehood, and it is not my desire to cast aspersions to anothers character by provoking irascibility through asserting that evaluations of my own character have been inaccurate. It is fair to say that, from a certain point of view, no man is wrong in his beliefs, and I understand that most if not all of my fellows are only acting in accordance to their experience, and, as they are of noble spirit and good heart unlike myself as I have been made to understand, would not deliberately do so in bad faith; there is much to be learned, even from a view which one may consider incorrect at best, and downright abhorrent at worst. I have always tried to stray away from casting such judgement upon my fellows, and have considered such judgement to be if not downright malicious than misguided, but I realize this is a flawed and immediately ironic view to hold and as such would not seek to apply it beyond the realms of the conceptual, and perhaps should consider it itself to come from a point of bad faith; it is thus that it likely should not be applied in practice, and suppressed in theory.
We cannot, as a rule, control the perceptions of our fellow man. This is my understanding, though perhaps some may possess this skill and indeed there are examples which one may consider to be contrary to this rule throughout recorded history, and surely beyond that. Perhaps it is something reserved only for an enlightened few, as I have been instructed, something to be born with and beyond the grasp of the wicked, licentious, unrighteous and dreggedly villeins of the world; the notion of caste is something which appears time and time again and so perhaps should be always considered. That there are those which are born to be contemptuous, and those which are born to righteous pride, and these two manners of livelihood coexist and conflict in ceaseless imbalance, and perhaps may overlap in infinite variations and degree. There is no rebirth, no change and no rebalance; there is what is, and what isn't, and there is nothing which can change one to another. To consider the point of view of the other side must therefore be erroneous, if not another point of malice, and so it is from where I must understand that my own faults must stem; to consider all to be right, to apply to my fellow man the rule of moral relativism, and to make the assumption that all are, in their own way, correct, even if only to themselves, must therefore be a point of evil, and so to want to hear their voice must be another of such sort. Such considerations for the unique perspectives of other men within the great fellowship of humanity that we all share are, as I have learned from my superiors in the community, a moral failing.
When our, or, more accurately since you have seen fit to divorce me from your proceedings, your now-administrator battons had planned in advance the events which took place on March Tenth of last year, I had only failed precisely as he had predicted. Following my previous unban, when he had chosen to jokingly insist that I say my "favorite word," or when he would ask me "what's that word you always say again?," it had not been the dogwhistle which I erroneously interpreted it as. After three months of these phrases as a continuous running theme of our mutual interactions, the thought had struck my baleful mind that perhaps the times had once again changed, that perhaps my violation was no longer as critical as it once had been, that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if only I said it one last time, for auld lang syne... But now I realize he was only trying to provoke me to lift the mask, to drop the act and show the true contents of my rotten core, a powerful, calculated bluff for the greater good of the community, and that this gambit worked out precisely as I understand he had been planning. The only point of which may have gone awry might be that my slip was during his absence, and thus I deprived him of his supreme, well earned and long awaited pleasure of condemning me in real-time, but it is doubtful that the event was any less cathartic. I have seen secret dialogues, spoken in hushed whispers behind closed doors, where no peeping Thomases were meant to spy. I have peered glimpses into the forbidden depths with borrowed eyes, and seen the true thoughts of the periphery. I now have insight into the breadth of your contempt, and I understand far greater than before the feelings held for me. Or, perhaps, are they merely out-of-context snippets, drip-fed to my person to feed delusions of persecution.Who can tell. Of course it is not the whole pie, but with each piece gained, the bigger picture grows clearer. I know from the decisions made on multiple occasions to ignore my personal communications that you believe man-to-man discussion with myself to be beyond consideration, and that to lower yourself to such a degree where you might entertain a direct conversation with me must be a thought too degrading to bear, and so I cannot hold it against any of you who have refused my private communiques; following this, I must request your patience while I weave together the patches of information I have thus far collected, and when I invariably stumble in my effort.
I have always in the past believed that you are a new person every hour; the infinite millions of variables which determine mood, thought and action change an infinite number of times in the infinite supply of time which expands infinitely. From my fellow man I now know this to be flawed; we are fated to be who we are, and fated to be so indefinitely. So, refusing to take the idea of a change of heart in good faith, perhaps may you consider it from a point of practicality? I realize that I am the heart of evil, and that I am sus; surely my actions have shown this, and the failure to recognize such, rather than attempt rebirth, on sooner terms is my own. So it is my request to consider the matter from the punitive standpoint. I have, at the time of this writing, been banned from Dinkelberg's trouble in terrorist town for a year, for a failing which I have been assured I do not regret, and have at every turn been rebuked from making my case for periods of exponential increase. Since I must be lying when I say I am sorry, then perhaps the case may be made that time served can equate to punishment delivered, that is to say that punishment is thus far in proportion to crime; for reference as to the logic of such a point, consider the Catholic purgatory. The realm of ash and dust is where a sinful soul, if not outright cast into hell, must go to burn off impurity and shed the weight of sin. It is the supposition proposed that if not burned of sin completely, my soul has completed an apt degree of penance and is thus prepared to rejoin wider society in the promised land. It is clearly not enough to be loathed by the persons whom (barring a certain few), following my return after my initial unban, were asserted to be the ones whom were the antithesis of the concept of toxic; to be met upon such a return with outright disdain, disgust, and undisguised contempt for my own every thought and suggestion was surely the right course of action, for it was the reality of the situation, and to contest with reality must surely be to contest with what is right, and with instances to the contrary so few in number and so often the vast minority it must be fair to assume that the statistical outlier is precisely such, and as an extension merely bad actors acting in conjunction with my own dark machinations. So following a state which I have at this point rationalized as lashing against wrongfully perceived injuries against my person, I have thus been in this state of limbo, and have served time equaling to, at the time of this publication, three hundred and sixty-eight days, and so since surely I must be speaking from bad faith when I assert that I regret what I did, or when I endeavour to initiate a fresh start, with a clean slate and a fresh perspective, I shall make the argument that I have indeed served my time and that a parole period at this point would be a reasonable suggestion. However, what I have at times considered reasonable suggestions have been revealed to me through expressions from the respected bodies as disgusting, profane aberrations of all good sense and common decency, the mere suggestion of which deserving immediate punitive action, so I would understand if such a suggestion at this juncture might be considered similarly.
In the past I have always sought to match the expectations laid upon my feet. Since my final ban, when first I made my appeal I asserted in the clearest terms I Could engender that I understood what I did wrong, that I regretted my mistake and that I was truly sorry; Among other criticisms, it was asserted to me that I was not, and never would be, and so realized that expressions of this manner were not what was desired of me. So in consideration of the criticisms leveled against my appeals and against my person, I endeavoured to follow a different path, one of brevity, one of a clean slate and an utterly new beginning. Thinking, surely, this would match the demands placed upon my person, I posted this new appeal in utter confidence, but I realized soon after I was wrong. I was, in this time, shown the things said behind closed doors, in secret channels believed to be hidden from the prying public eye, and I know to some degree the true, private opinions held in regard to my person by certain members. But it is not the object of this statement to assert blame onto another; I realize the fault was entirely mine in rising to the bait, and that were my own character honest and clear I would never have fallen to conspiracies. And so I despaired.
It was expressed to me that the past is alive, and guarded zealously, and that the object of a clean, blank slate was not shared between myself and the punitive body. I had wondered if perhaps I had expressed myself inadequately, and sought to expound upon my thoughts, and to understand better the judgements delivered to me, and unfortunately my contemptible ignorance provoked further punitive response to silence my person. So I thought well enough, and interpreted that perhaps the stasis of all things was what was required of me, but then the conflict arose that indeed it was myself as a person which had aroused such expressions of disgust and disdain from my judges, and so perhaps rather than a fresh start it was desired of me to return to that which I had emerged from, only with more of one half and reduction of the other, and to follow this with even more merciful brevity and simplification of the oratory for which I had always been so despised; this, evidently, was not the case, and so I was remanded to my prison of silence for a further several months. And so I despaired. I have always tried to keep an open mind, and to receive the criticisms of my prosecutors with full understanding, and so better myself by the judgements of my superiors and peers, and in this I have evidently failed, and so now make a return to my roots.
So the question remains, why seek to return where I know I am not wanted, hated by the larger degree and applied as a synonym to the least honest amongus? To answer that question would admittedly be an expansion upon the earlier point of practicality; since, as has already been elaborated upon, we have already established that cannot possibly feel regret for my actions, then consider from the practical standpoint that few other servers can be found whose parameters meet the discerning qualifications I seek in a Trouble In Terrorist Town server; that I would avoid repeat offense, if only out of my own love for the game, and most especially my love for the specific frame and patterns of traffic which appeal to me that can only be found here. So if I am the same man I was when I was first banned, described as a genuinely awful person (a judgement I would have thought to normally be reserved for the likes of Ayoola Ajayi, Charles Manson,Jefferey Epstein, etc. but clearly my degree of discretion when using this descriptor has been, in short, inaccurate) as I have been so often told and so must therefore be the case, then it is my request to make the assumption that I would not repeat offense if only out of a desire to continue playing with said specific conditions. Pristine like water, thoughtful of all the motivations of man, and full of wisdom of the ages of Enoch, members of the staff's counsel, I beg thee heed my request, and hear my words, free me from this sorcerous crystal prison and unchain me from the woes with which I have been saddled. It has been said that this miserable man shall never change, by men with colored names and known rank, and so it shall be truth, and so have faith in the strength of your own established penal and justice system; I cannot be reformed, as your own worldly judges have established, and so I ask consideration that perhaps I have been, in my extreme excesses and filthy behaviors, cowed into submission, like the servile dungeon goblinoid.
prior offenses: https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=12883
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=12901
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=12936
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=13145
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=13354
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=13600
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=13909
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=14118
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=14141
Other:
steamid: STEAM_0:1:43140995
executor: battons
reason for ban: violation of parole, 1 count
length of ban: life sentence
reason for admins to unban: I would like to make a short preface at this point. Following my last appeal, I was left at something of a loss. I wondered to myself, 'where do we go from here?' I had it in my mind that what was desired of me was something of an earnest brevity, but judging by the critical reception from the community at large, this was something of a misstep. So I wondered if, aside from the content of my statement, perhaps I should revise the considerations which I give to elaboration. The following is, as a result of this feedback, possessive of far more clarity and expansion than previous appeals, and is something which I hope will satisfy all parties.
Would it be that things had transpired differently. At present the note in which affairs were left remains a sour one, to I must suppose the surprise of no one. I ask not that any here put aside their preconceived notions as to the variables involved, for this is a matter I consider very near and dear to my heart and failing to consider it from angles relevant or otherwise I might say would be a disservice to the issue. There was a time in which I had given up, casting my hands to the sky as a silent plea to the world that there might be some way to reverse the course of time and choose a different path, but such thoughts and wonderings are a pointless endeavour leading no closer to a solid resolution. Perhaps in the far-spun future such a pining may yet bear fruit, but I digress. What this case ultimately boils down to is the vast infinity of choice and potential, and how that potential relates to the human tendency for waste. Sameness as it relates to this topic would be considered an aspect of that waste, in being that to tread the same ground would be to waste opportunity and, by extension, potential.
I wasn't quite sure this day would come. I wasn't sure what to say. Hell, I didn't even know if I could really go through with it all again. But, with the passage of time, all things change, and all things come full circle. I once came here with an open heart, eager to learn and eager to please, and once, on that fateful night, I learned so much from this community, so much I'll never forget; I was, all at once, illuminated, and at the same time, completely in the dark. So perhaps it is too much to ask for, but might we collectively, for just one thread, look beyond the obfuscations of times past, deliberate or otherwise?
I've always tried to mix things up when they don't work, to learn from my mistakes and incorporate them into a wider narrative of life which might in the future lead to success and understanding.Thing's are different, they always are, aren't they? But this time, based on the overwhelmingly negative reception to my last appeal and reinvention of the self, I will attempt to return to my roots, and endeavour to improve upon the traditions established. And so the common road we follow has brought us together once again.
Now, I know what you're probably asking yourself: Whose this twenty-year-old kid, coming in from the cold dark outside, sitting in front of you with a chip on his shoulder and his bleeding heart on his sleeve? Some of you on the deathrun server may know a certain 5w33t b34n5. On the murder server, maybe the name grubbly sqeeuzums might ring a bell. I've gotten to know a lot of you on prophunt as poop MANIAC. On the discord, maybe in the past you've heard the name elastic andy's static shock rock candy. I would imagine not. And in the Dinkleberger forum community, you may remember hatred darkness evilheart madkiller.
But a few of you, from a time far off and long ago may remember a certain identity. A mask buried to the sands of time, lost in the foggy haze of memory and decayed into a distant, ancient history. Perhaps, from dreams long past in an era forgotten, some of you may remember the titled, yellow named Senior Member known as the mad shitter.
Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name is John Michael Jones, my friends call me Fiddlesticks Mike, and this is my unban request. I am someone of modest wealth, and what some may politely consider unconventional tastes. You may not remember my humble person, but let me say I have remembered you. I've been around for a long, long year, and I have heard from you. Felt your presence. Walked among your kind. Learned from your peoples and their wisdoms. And while it has been the common judgement that I may be far from understanding you, I believe I have come to something of a functional groundwork for a mutualistic relationship; or, at the very least, uneventful, serene coexistence, for that is always what I have sought, regardless of my own shortcomings.
Now, it is my understanding that as an incorrigible anticitizen, everything I say must be taken in bad faith and assumed to be obfuscation if not outright deception. The fact that I assert my words are context of my honest thoughts must therefore be evidence that whatever I say is nothing but lies and slander, and so it would naturally be in the best interest of the reader to stop here, if not already, and proceed with the comments of disapproval and the demand for further punitive action. It is only natural, of course, that a person of such low moral stature and warped view of reality as myself must be at every point an aberrant liar; it is the judgement of the many, and must therefore be the most accurate representation of reality, and so the natural course of action would be to dismiss every word I have said and may say and continue with whatever expression of disdain may gather the reader's fancy. All is as it should be, the world exists in the best state that it can. Thus it shall be the natural order and Universalist Understanding of all things.
Friends, gamers, terrorists, this is my story. On the night of 13/14/2021, an irreparable, inoperable paradigm shift descended upon the dark corners of my bilious life. In breaking my word I let down all the people who had cheered me on, everyone rooting for my success and violated intimately the trust placed in my faculties. Instead of staying open to the love I received from those who had been so kind as to offer me their friendship, my mind's eye focused on the negativity and hate with which I had been rightfully cloaked. I failed. Not just myself, but I failed the people who cared. And it wasn't the failure that was so hard. No, it's been living with that failure, that empty feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that gnaws at my soul. Knowing I let everyone down, that's the hard part.
I could be frank with you. I could apologize. I could tell you I've learned from the experience, that things are different, that the offending instance would never happen again. I could expand upon my reasoning, tell you why I did what I did, why I'll never do it again. How it broke my heart, and why things turned out the way they did; I could elaborate on my motivations, expand upon my emotions, and assert my beliefs and how they are different from how they used to be. But experience tells me that is a lost cause, a fools errand. There is nothing I could say or do that could convince you otherwise, no expression of my heart which could possibly change your own, and perhaps that is fair, and well enough. I had at one time believed that perhaps I had been, all this time, so very very wrong, about everything, about everyone. Perhaps I still am; what is important, I feel, is that I do not pretend otherwise, and that I hold no pretense of clinging to falsehoods. In any case, I have been strongly discouraged from change, and from new beginnings, so I will swallow my tongue on the matter and leave that part of my soul hidden from view. I have spoken at length about such things, and it has been insisted upon that such revelations will forever elude me, and that it is my inexorable fate to forever be possessed of stagnant, evil spirit. I will not contest this, for I know that good faith is something which I am not afforded, for reasons which I believe I understand, but it is my understanding that such understanding will be understood to be falsehood, and it is not my desire to cast aspersions to anothers character by provoking irascibility through asserting that evaluations of my own character have been inaccurate. It is fair to say that, from a certain point of view, no man is wrong in his beliefs, and I understand that most if not all of my fellows are only acting in accordance to their experience, and, as they are of noble spirit and good heart unlike myself as I have been made to understand, would not deliberately do so in bad faith; there is much to be learned, even from a view which one may consider incorrect at best, and downright abhorrent at worst. I have always tried to stray away from casting such judgement upon my fellows, and have considered such judgement to be if not downright malicious than misguided, but I realize this is a flawed and immediately ironic view to hold and as such would not seek to apply it beyond the realms of the conceptual, and perhaps should consider it itself to come from a point of bad faith; it is thus that it likely should not be applied in practice, and suppressed in theory.
We cannot, as a rule, control the perceptions of our fellow man. This is my understanding, though perhaps some may possess this skill and indeed there are examples which one may consider to be contrary to this rule throughout recorded history, and surely beyond that. Perhaps it is something reserved only for an enlightened few, as I have been instructed, something to be born with and beyond the grasp of the wicked, licentious, unrighteous and dreggedly villeins of the world; the notion of caste is something which appears time and time again and so perhaps should be always considered. That there are those which are born to be contemptuous, and those which are born to righteous pride, and these two manners of livelihood coexist and conflict in ceaseless imbalance, and perhaps may overlap in infinite variations and degree. There is no rebirth, no change and no rebalance; there is what is, and what isn't, and there is nothing which can change one to another. To consider the point of view of the other side must therefore be erroneous, if not another point of malice, and so it is from where I must understand that my own faults must stem; to consider all to be right, to apply to my fellow man the rule of moral relativism, and to make the assumption that all are, in their own way, correct, even if only to themselves, must therefore be a point of evil, and so to want to hear their voice must be another of such sort. Such considerations for the unique perspectives of other men within the great fellowship of humanity that we all share are, as I have learned from my superiors in the community, a moral failing.
When our, or, more accurately since you have seen fit to divorce me from your proceedings, your now-administrator battons had planned in advance the events which took place on March Tenth of last year, I had only failed precisely as he had predicted. Following my previous unban, when he had chosen to jokingly insist that I say my "favorite word," or when he would ask me "what's that word you always say again?," it had not been the dogwhistle which I erroneously interpreted it as. After three months of these phrases as a continuous running theme of our mutual interactions, the thought had struck my baleful mind that perhaps the times had once again changed, that perhaps my violation was no longer as critical as it once had been, that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if only I said it one last time, for auld lang syne... But now I realize he was only trying to provoke me to lift the mask, to drop the act and show the true contents of my rotten core, a powerful, calculated bluff for the greater good of the community, and that this gambit worked out precisely as I understand he had been planning. The only point of which may have gone awry might be that my slip was during his absence, and thus I deprived him of his supreme, well earned and long awaited pleasure of condemning me in real-time, but it is doubtful that the event was any less cathartic. I have seen secret dialogues, spoken in hushed whispers behind closed doors, where no peeping Thomases were meant to spy. I have peered glimpses into the forbidden depths with borrowed eyes, and seen the true thoughts of the periphery. I now have insight into the breadth of your contempt, and I understand far greater than before the feelings held for me. Or, perhaps, are they merely out-of-context snippets, drip-fed to my person to feed delusions of persecution.Who can tell. Of course it is not the whole pie, but with each piece gained, the bigger picture grows clearer. I know from the decisions made on multiple occasions to ignore my personal communications that you believe man-to-man discussion with myself to be beyond consideration, and that to lower yourself to such a degree where you might entertain a direct conversation with me must be a thought too degrading to bear, and so I cannot hold it against any of you who have refused my private communiques; following this, I must request your patience while I weave together the patches of information I have thus far collected, and when I invariably stumble in my effort.
I have always in the past believed that you are a new person every hour; the infinite millions of variables which determine mood, thought and action change an infinite number of times in the infinite supply of time which expands infinitely. From my fellow man I now know this to be flawed; we are fated to be who we are, and fated to be so indefinitely. So, refusing to take the idea of a change of heart in good faith, perhaps may you consider it from a point of practicality? I realize that I am the heart of evil, and that I am sus; surely my actions have shown this, and the failure to recognize such, rather than attempt rebirth, on sooner terms is my own. So it is my request to consider the matter from the punitive standpoint. I have, at the time of this writing, been banned from Dinkelberg's trouble in terrorist town for a year, for a failing which I have been assured I do not regret, and have at every turn been rebuked from making my case for periods of exponential increase. Since I must be lying when I say I am sorry, then perhaps the case may be made that time served can equate to punishment delivered, that is to say that punishment is thus far in proportion to crime; for reference as to the logic of such a point, consider the Catholic purgatory. The realm of ash and dust is where a sinful soul, if not outright cast into hell, must go to burn off impurity and shed the weight of sin. It is the supposition proposed that if not burned of sin completely, my soul has completed an apt degree of penance and is thus prepared to rejoin wider society in the promised land. It is clearly not enough to be loathed by the persons whom (barring a certain few), following my return after my initial unban, were asserted to be the ones whom were the antithesis of the concept of toxic; to be met upon such a return with outright disdain, disgust, and undisguised contempt for my own every thought and suggestion was surely the right course of action, for it was the reality of the situation, and to contest with reality must surely be to contest with what is right, and with instances to the contrary so few in number and so often the vast minority it must be fair to assume that the statistical outlier is precisely such, and as an extension merely bad actors acting in conjunction with my own dark machinations. So following a state which I have at this point rationalized as lashing against wrongfully perceived injuries against my person, I have thus been in this state of limbo, and have served time equaling to, at the time of this publication, three hundred and sixty-eight days, and so since surely I must be speaking from bad faith when I assert that I regret what I did, or when I endeavour to initiate a fresh start, with a clean slate and a fresh perspective, I shall make the argument that I have indeed served my time and that a parole period at this point would be a reasonable suggestion. However, what I have at times considered reasonable suggestions have been revealed to me through expressions from the respected bodies as disgusting, profane aberrations of all good sense and common decency, the mere suggestion of which deserving immediate punitive action, so I would understand if such a suggestion at this juncture might be considered similarly.
In the past I have always sought to match the expectations laid upon my feet. Since my final ban, when first I made my appeal I asserted in the clearest terms I Could engender that I understood what I did wrong, that I regretted my mistake and that I was truly sorry; Among other criticisms, it was asserted to me that I was not, and never would be, and so realized that expressions of this manner were not what was desired of me. So in consideration of the criticisms leveled against my appeals and against my person, I endeavoured to follow a different path, one of brevity, one of a clean slate and an utterly new beginning. Thinking, surely, this would match the demands placed upon my person, I posted this new appeal in utter confidence, but I realized soon after I was wrong. I was, in this time, shown the things said behind closed doors, in secret channels believed to be hidden from the prying public eye, and I know to some degree the true, private opinions held in regard to my person by certain members. But it is not the object of this statement to assert blame onto another; I realize the fault was entirely mine in rising to the bait, and that were my own character honest and clear I would never have fallen to conspiracies. And so I despaired.
It was expressed to me that the past is alive, and guarded zealously, and that the object of a clean, blank slate was not shared between myself and the punitive body. I had wondered if perhaps I had expressed myself inadequately, and sought to expound upon my thoughts, and to understand better the judgements delivered to me, and unfortunately my contemptible ignorance provoked further punitive response to silence my person. So I thought well enough, and interpreted that perhaps the stasis of all things was what was required of me, but then the conflict arose that indeed it was myself as a person which had aroused such expressions of disgust and disdain from my judges, and so perhaps rather than a fresh start it was desired of me to return to that which I had emerged from, only with more of one half and reduction of the other, and to follow this with even more merciful brevity and simplification of the oratory for which I had always been so despised; this, evidently, was not the case, and so I was remanded to my prison of silence for a further several months. And so I despaired. I have always tried to keep an open mind, and to receive the criticisms of my prosecutors with full understanding, and so better myself by the judgements of my superiors and peers, and in this I have evidently failed, and so now make a return to my roots.
So the question remains, why seek to return where I know I am not wanted, hated by the larger degree and applied as a synonym to the least honest amongus? To answer that question would admittedly be an expansion upon the earlier point of practicality; since, as has already been elaborated upon, we have already established that cannot possibly feel regret for my actions, then consider from the practical standpoint that few other servers can be found whose parameters meet the discerning qualifications I seek in a Trouble In Terrorist Town server; that I would avoid repeat offense, if only out of my own love for the game, and most especially my love for the specific frame and patterns of traffic which appeal to me that can only be found here. So if I am the same man I was when I was first banned, described as a genuinely awful person (a judgement I would have thought to normally be reserved for the likes of Ayoola Ajayi, Charles Manson,Jefferey Epstein, etc. but clearly my degree of discretion when using this descriptor has been, in short, inaccurate) as I have been so often told and so must therefore be the case, then it is my request to make the assumption that I would not repeat offense if only out of a desire to continue playing with said specific conditions. Pristine like water, thoughtful of all the motivations of man, and full of wisdom of the ages of Enoch, members of the staff's counsel, I beg thee heed my request, and hear my words, free me from this sorcerous crystal prison and unchain me from the woes with which I have been saddled. It has been said that this miserable man shall never change, by men with colored names and known rank, and so it shall be truth, and so have faith in the strength of your own established penal and justice system; I cannot be reformed, as your own worldly judges have established, and so I ask consideration that perhaps I have been, in my extreme excesses and filthy behaviors, cowed into submission, like the servile dungeon goblinoid.
prior offenses: https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=12883
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=12901
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=12936
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=13145
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=13354
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=13600
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=13909
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=14118
https://www.dinklebergsgmod.com/site/sho...?tid=14141
Other:
![[Image: 3b7f6tH.jpeg]](https://i.imgur.com/3b7f6tH.jpeg)
![[Image: image.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/893459655274164305/1123793226185318551/image.png)
![[Image: wattson-apex-legends.gif]](https://c.tenor.com/IKPRKDuaRlsAAAAd/wattson-apex-legends.gif)
![[Image: 6jCIuUl.gif]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/877864961211244624/907933433274196038/6jCIuUl.gif)
![[Image: Bry-Donor-2.gif]](https://i.ibb.co/MG1c1sZ/Bry-Donor-2.gif)
